My mother died today.
We had a weird sort of relationship. We weren't especially close, but there was a lot of love there. It wasn't especially overt, but
She was always so proud of the plays I did. Even when things were bad between us, she tried to not miss the shows I was in. Her favorite show that I did was A... My Name is Alice.
She helped me move into my apartment on Mothers Day five years ago.
She was hurting so much. She was so ready to go, but terrified to leave me and my stepdad alone. I don't know if I'll ever forget her looking up at me and telling me that she didn't want to leave me. That I should take care of my stepdad. That this isn't the way things should be.
I've known this was coming for a while. Deep inside, for the last few months, I've felt that she wouldn't have much longer. I'm glad it hasn't been more drawn out, but
You always wish there was just one more day. And then if you get that day, you wish for one more day. You just want to live on one more day.
I have a lot of thoughts and feelings rattling around in my head. I don't know how to deal with or express all of them. This is going to take a while.
Fuck cancer.
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Roll For Pudding
And now for my last entry in my Bright Points of 2016 recap.
9: I took the plunge and became a Dungeon Master.
I'd been listening to The Adventure Zone since it first aired, and was just totally in love with it from day one. When a good friend of mine at work clued me in to The Glass Cannon, a Pathfinder RPG podcast, I started actively thinking about getting back into playing some RPGs. There was a time many years ago when my husband and I were playing 2nd Edition D&D with some friends of his, and it was a great time. I talked with my friend about how great it would be to get back into rolling dice and killing monsters. And then I had the idea that it would be fun to do a prison-break style adventure, which my friend loved, and we got some people together and made it happen.
We've only had one actual session so far, but our next session is on Monday. Most of my leisure time over this weekend will be spent preparing for that session, and trying to construct contingencies for when things inevitably go awry.
It's terrifying, but it's terrific.
10: Speaking of podcasts, I really started listening to a lot of them this year. Some of them just started this year, some of them I came to late.
Alice Isn't Dead
Dead Pilots Society
Interrobang with Travis and Tybee
Limetown
Lore
Magic Lessons with Elizabeth Gilbert (I actually also recently picked up Big Magic, but I haven't gotten a chance to read it yet).
Shmanners
Still Buffering
The Audio Armory
The Glass Cannon (linked above - you don't need the link twice, do you?)
The Orbiting Human Circus (of the Air)
Within the Wires
I'm lucky enough that I get to listen to these while I'm at work, so adding ten podcasts to the already hefty roster has filled up my workday wonderfully.
11: I frequently had opportunities to do cool things with friends, and I took them. Whether it was the previously-mentioned trip to see Welcome to Night Vale live, or a celebration of pie and π, I made cherished memories with wonderful people. This might not seem like a huge thing worth making a stand-alone entry out of, but there was a period in my life where I had very few opportunities to do just that.
12: CRYPTICON
Crypticon Minnesota has been my Christmas for 9 years. It is a weekend-long party for misfits, weirdos, offbeat outcasts, and various nerds. There are people my husband and I look forward to seeing every year. Next year will be year 10 for us (12 for the convention overall), and it's going to be incredible.
I'd been listening to The Adventure Zone since it first aired, and was just totally in love with it from day one. When a good friend of mine at work clued me in to The Glass Cannon, a Pathfinder RPG podcast, I started actively thinking about getting back into playing some RPGs. There was a time many years ago when my husband and I were playing 2nd Edition D&D with some friends of his, and it was a great time. I talked with my friend about how great it would be to get back into rolling dice and killing monsters. And then I had the idea that it would be fun to do a prison-break style adventure, which my friend loved, and we got some people together and made it happen.
We've only had one actual session so far, but our next session is on Monday. Most of my leisure time over this weekend will be spent preparing for that session, and trying to construct contingencies for when things inevitably go awry.
It's terrifying, but it's terrific.
10: Speaking of podcasts, I really started listening to a lot of them this year. Some of them just started this year, some of them I came to late.
Alice Isn't Dead
Dead Pilots Society
Interrobang with Travis and Tybee
Limetown
Lore
Magic Lessons with Elizabeth Gilbert (I actually also recently picked up Big Magic, but I haven't gotten a chance to read it yet).
Shmanners
Still Buffering
The Audio Armory
The Glass Cannon (linked above - you don't need the link twice, do you?)
The Orbiting Human Circus (of the Air)
Within the Wires
I'm lucky enough that I get to listen to these while I'm at work, so adding ten podcasts to the already hefty roster has filled up my workday wonderfully.
11: I frequently had opportunities to do cool things with friends, and I took them. Whether it was the previously-mentioned trip to see Welcome to Night Vale live, or a celebration of pie and π, I made cherished memories with wonderful people. This might not seem like a huge thing worth making a stand-alone entry out of, but there was a period in my life where I had very few opportunities to do just that.
12: CRYPTICON
Crypticon Minnesota has been my Christmas for 9 years. It is a weekend-long party for misfits, weirdos, offbeat outcasts, and various nerds. There are people my husband and I look forward to seeing every year. Next year will be year 10 for us (12 for the convention overall), and it's going to be incredible.
Happy Pudding.
Part 2, continuing my Good Things About My Life In 2016 post.
5: This may be a little premature to say it here, with many hours in the day still to go before 2017 reaches me, but I feel it's important to remark upon: all of the people that are most important to me survived it. We all lived. And it was a close thing for some of us. I didn't lose anyone in my life that was really, truly important. That matters a lot, sometimes.
6: I spent an entire day looking at art. My husband and I discovered how much we love Denver back in 2015, when we took a trip out there to celebrate our ten-year anniversary. We've made a few trips out there since then, and I always manage to do or to see something new when we go. I love that. The last trip I took to Denver allowed me to go to the Denver Art Museum. If you've never been, it is two buildings and ten floors total (if my memory is correct, which it may not be. There may be more floors I'm forgetting) of art. So much art! We spent the whole day there, and still did not manage to see the whole thing before our bodies gave up.
We're planning another trip back to Denver in a few weeks. I'm really looking forward to it.
7: I was extremely well-entertained this year. I'm breaking this up into different ones, because some things deserve their own entry. If you who is reading this feels this is cheating, write your own 16 Highlights of 2016 and show me how it's done.
The big thing is the MCU continuing its journey into awesomeness. My husband and I love the MCU. It is a frequent topic in our home, whether we're talking about upcoming releases, theories we have or we've seen, what we'd like to see going forward, and just plain enjoying everything that's been released so far. 2016 gave us Captain America: Civil War and Doctor Strange, both of which I enjoyed immensely. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. continued, and we got another season (its final, sadly) of Agent Carter. And even though Luke Cage's first season dropped just a couple of months ago, it occurs to me now that I should really re-watch it - we loved it just that much.
Plus, holy shit, a college friend of mine went to a convention in Kansas City, met Hayley Atwell, told her what a huge fan I am and how much I love Agent Carter, and got me this signed photo.
I still very much need to find the perfect frame for this treasure.
8: In non-MCU entertainment that brought me joy, there was Deadpool, Ghostbusters, Hamilton (I have not been lucky enough to see the show myself, but I bought the soundtrack in March and still haven't tired of it), Moana, The Get Down (we haven't quite finished watching this yet, but it is so fucking good that I'm adding it to the list), Car Boys (a YouTube series from Polygon), and many more. The Good Place debuted this year and has so far proved to be utterly delightful, and I am looking forward to its return from its mid-season hiatus.
5: This may be a little premature to say it here, with many hours in the day still to go before 2017 reaches me, but I feel it's important to remark upon: all of the people that are most important to me survived it. We all lived. And it was a close thing for some of us. I didn't lose anyone in my life that was really, truly important. That matters a lot, sometimes.
6: I spent an entire day looking at art. My husband and I discovered how much we love Denver back in 2015, when we took a trip out there to celebrate our ten-year anniversary. We've made a few trips out there since then, and I always manage to do or to see something new when we go. I love that. The last trip I took to Denver allowed me to go to the Denver Art Museum. If you've never been, it is two buildings and ten floors total (if my memory is correct, which it may not be. There may be more floors I'm forgetting) of art. So much art! We spent the whole day there, and still did not manage to see the whole thing before our bodies gave up.
We're planning another trip back to Denver in a few weeks. I'm really looking forward to it.
7: I was extremely well-entertained this year. I'm breaking this up into different ones, because some things deserve their own entry. If you who is reading this feels this is cheating, write your own 16 Highlights of 2016 and show me how it's done.
The big thing is the MCU continuing its journey into awesomeness. My husband and I love the MCU. It is a frequent topic in our home, whether we're talking about upcoming releases, theories we have or we've seen, what we'd like to see going forward, and just plain enjoying everything that's been released so far. 2016 gave us Captain America: Civil War and Doctor Strange, both of which I enjoyed immensely. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. continued, and we got another season (its final, sadly) of Agent Carter. And even though Luke Cage's first season dropped just a couple of months ago, it occurs to me now that I should really re-watch it - we loved it just that much.
I still very much need to find the perfect frame for this treasure.
8: In non-MCU entertainment that brought me joy, there was Deadpool, Ghostbusters, Hamilton (I have not been lucky enough to see the show myself, but I bought the soundtrack in March and still haven't tired of it), Moana, The Get Down (we haven't quite finished watching this yet, but it is so fucking good that I'm adding it to the list), Car Boys (a YouTube series from Polygon), and many more. The Good Place debuted this year and has so far proved to be utterly delightful, and I am looking forward to its return from its mid-season hiatus.
Fresh Pudding!
Rather than resurrect my previous blog, which has been dead for... well, for a few years, I decided to start over.
I've been feeling the need for an outlet, lately, and the social media platforms I'm on the most don't feel quite as suited to what I'm needing at the moment.
The real impetus for starting over with a blog is simply this: by and large, my peers and the people in my circles agree that 2016 has been, as a year, a dumpster fire. I myself have felt very powerless through a lot of it, moreso than previous years that I can remember. My goal with this first post is to dial that back a little and, with one actual day left in the calendar year, try to find highlights and high points from the last year.
In no particular order, then...
1: I got a sewing machine. I got a great deal on it (I feel), and I've actually used it and gotten better at using it through the year. Here are some of the things I've done with it!
The Adventure Zone is one of my favorite podcasts that I'm listening to right now. It motivated me to start DMing for a group of my friends (more on that later), and it was the reason I decided to put together this cosplay of Taako. It is probably the most ambitious project I've ever undertaken on my own, but I'm delighted with how it turned out.
Bowties! I've only made a couple of them, but it's another thing I know I can do now.
2: I found Jhesis (pictured below with Lafayette (left) and Toulouse (right).
Ok, so here's the story. My best friend and I were on our way to Kansas City to celebrate Pi(e) Day with our dear friend who lives down there. On our way, we made a stop at a gas station to stretch our legs and grab some food. Because I love Midwestern gas station kitsch, I took a little time to see what they had, and there was this magnificent little guy.
"Andi, do we need him? I think we need him!"
"Yeah, we need him."
I put him on the counter with all of our food. The gentleman at the counter (who, I feel I must point out, was a grown-ass man) began to scan our purchases. He picked up this guy, looked him over, and said, "Eh, fuck it, he's free." He then continued to ring up our food and added, "We sell a lot of those guys."
Andi and I paid for our food and hustled our asses to the car. We could not believe that that had actually happened. But it had to be a sign. This little guy would be our mascot for the trip. All he needed was a name.
"Jesus" was a pretty obvious choice. He was our copilot! I created an Instagram account for him, with a better spelling. He went everywhere with us for the whole trip, and I shared the photos on Instagram. He has gone on so many adventures, and never lost his charming smile.
3: Welcome to Night Vale: Ghost Stories. We found out that Welcome to Night Vale would be performing its live show Ghost Stories in Minneapolis. We got tickets. I dyed my hair purple. We had a group of 6 people meet up there, and it was one of the most incredible performances I've ever seen. There was humor and creepiness, but so much raw emotion it left me raw and weak.
I still remember sitting in the theatre, surrounded by people. Cecil Baldwin, the host of WTNV, had such mastery over the crowd that he held us, at least twice, in complete silence, as he let it fill with more silence. A theatre filled with hundreds of people, and yet silent, hanging on his every word. Not a cough, or a sniffle, or a murmur was heard in the silence that he had wrought. It was powerful, and it left me in awe.
Everything else we did on that trip was delightful. But man, that performance. It was otherworldly.
For cleanliness's sake, I'm going to end this post here. I'll call it part one.
I've been feeling the need for an outlet, lately, and the social media platforms I'm on the most don't feel quite as suited to what I'm needing at the moment.
The real impetus for starting over with a blog is simply this: by and large, my peers and the people in my circles agree that 2016 has been, as a year, a dumpster fire. I myself have felt very powerless through a lot of it, moreso than previous years that I can remember. My goal with this first post is to dial that back a little and, with one actual day left in the calendar year, try to find highlights and high points from the last year.
In no particular order, then...
1: I got a sewing machine. I got a great deal on it (I feel), and I've actually used it and gotten better at using it through the year. Here are some of the things I've done with it!
The Adventure Zone is one of my favorite podcasts that I'm listening to right now. It motivated me to start DMing for a group of my friends (more on that later), and it was the reason I decided to put together this cosplay of Taako. It is probably the most ambitious project I've ever undertaken on my own, but I'm delighted with how it turned out.
I started making drawstring dice bags! They've been fun to put together with different fabric combinations.
2: I found Jhesis (pictured below with Lafayette (left) and Toulouse (right).
Ok, so here's the story. My best friend and I were on our way to Kansas City to celebrate Pi(e) Day with our dear friend who lives down there. On our way, we made a stop at a gas station to stretch our legs and grab some food. Because I love Midwestern gas station kitsch, I took a little time to see what they had, and there was this magnificent little guy.
"Andi, do we need him? I think we need him!"
"Yeah, we need him."
I put him on the counter with all of our food. The gentleman at the counter (who, I feel I must point out, was a grown-ass man) began to scan our purchases. He picked up this guy, looked him over, and said, "Eh, fuck it, he's free." He then continued to ring up our food and added, "We sell a lot of those guys."
Andi and I paid for our food and hustled our asses to the car. We could not believe that that had actually happened. But it had to be a sign. This little guy would be our mascot for the trip. All he needed was a name.
"Jesus" was a pretty obvious choice. He was our copilot! I created an Instagram account for him, with a better spelling. He went everywhere with us for the whole trip, and I shared the photos on Instagram. He has gone on so many adventures, and never lost his charming smile.
3: Welcome to Night Vale: Ghost Stories. We found out that Welcome to Night Vale would be performing its live show Ghost Stories in Minneapolis. We got tickets. I dyed my hair purple. We had a group of 6 people meet up there, and it was one of the most incredible performances I've ever seen. There was humor and creepiness, but so much raw emotion it left me raw and weak.
I still remember sitting in the theatre, surrounded by people. Cecil Baldwin, the host of WTNV, had such mastery over the crowd that he held us, at least twice, in complete silence, as he let it fill with more silence. A theatre filled with hundreds of people, and yet silent, hanging on his every word. Not a cough, or a sniffle, or a murmur was heard in the silence that he had wrought. It was powerful, and it left me in awe.
Everything else we did on that trip was delightful. But man, that performance. It was otherworldly.
4: I finally got a new tattoo! My last one was six years ago, which is far, far too much time to wait for new ink. I love it. Big thanks to Erin at Electric Crayon for making this happen!
For cleanliness's sake, I'm going to end this post here. I'll call it part one.
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